Dear Family,
You can’t imagine the pride and happiness that I have in seeing your successes and achievements in life. I know that pride is a feeling one usually has about their own achievements. But as your father and grandfather, I get deep pleasure and satisfaction in following all that you do.
I suppose it’s pride I feel. But maybe it just makes me happy to see you building your lives as young adults. You are all so socially aware. I know you will make an impact in the world.
And I don’t want to miss anything. So I ask questions.
My grandson Ethan says that when I ask him questions it shows that I love him. Another grandson says my questions don’t bother him because he’s set and confident in what he’s doing. But there was that one time that someone suggested my questions felt like an interrogation.
First, of course, I am sorry. That was never my intent. Perhaps it’s aging. For me, time works a little differently. At 91, there’s an urgency to see things through completion as quickly as possible. So I may ask about the same projects, things you are working on more urgently. But that is about me. Not about any judgment of you what you are doing.
Please share, and please tell me.
So please share with me, and know my questions are out of love and a need to connect and to truly know you. That’s why I ask for copies of the papers you are writing in school, the name of the textbook you are using to teach that college course. And, that’s why sometimes I even bring “an agenda” with me to our Sunday brunch. I don’t want to forget anything you are doing, your interests, your world.
And, of course, you can always let me know if I ask questions about things you don’t want to talk about. The other thing about getting older is our filters fade away. There’s not enough time left to censor ourselves or worry about what others will think. We think. We say. Sorry!
Know that I love you and I need your connection.
You have no idea how isolating and lonely getting older can be. Suddenly a quick trip to the grocery store or post office has be something to plan in advance. I don’t have all of the regular casual social interactions you have during the day. And, living alone, I am most often, that: alone.
You can blame me for the surge in participation awards.
Some complain that today’s youth have too many participation awards. In youth sports it’s no longer about who won the game, but who showed up. Good job, we say! And maybe it was people like me who started that.
