That adorable child who couldn’t get enough of “nana” and “poppop” now sits sullenly across the table. They are, at least, honoring the “no cell phones at the dinner table” rule, but you sit in silence. You, wishing for a connection. They seemingly, wishing it were over. Questions like “How’s school?” or “What are your plans for summer?,” even “Do you like chocolate or peanut butter better?” no longer elicit the same lively, conversational response.
What’s a grandparent to do?
A few weeks ago I shared a post about having an arsenal of questions for grandchildren to ask their grandparents, to draw out stories, memories, advice and connection.
Now, on the flip side, I offer conversation starters for grandparents to ask their grandchildren.
Ask “social” questions:
What self-defense training should girls learn and at what age?
You’re invited to a party and some kids are drinking liquor–how do you say no thanks and still look cool? Or should you call home and tell your parents? Should you stop the party and tell all the kids what you think they are doing is dangerous to all of us? (But, be careful to listen and discuss—no lecture!)
A friend asks to borrow money –would you do it? What do you hold as equal value until you are paid back?
If you could vote in the next election, who would you vote for and why?
Ask questions specific to what they are learning in school (by looking at the school website):
What do you think Scout (To Kill a Mockingbird) would be like as an adult?
What do you think life would have been like if you were alive during the Inquisition (perhaps show a YouTube video of Mel Brooks song….The Inquisition.)
Ask about things related to current events:
What do think about the gun control debate going on right now?
What do you think about “Brexit”, UK’s leaving the EU?
Ask about things related to pop culture (here’s a chance to get clarity on things you may have heard about, but really don’t know):
What do you think has led to Taylor Swift’s (Justin Bieber’s, etc.) popularity?
Are kids still using Snapchat? How does it work?
What do you think about mobile marketing that uses the GPS in your phone?
Ask questions related to their areas of interest:
What’s your favorite recipe to make with pumpkin?
If you could plan your dream vacation this summer, where would you go?
Ask abstract questions:
What advice would you give your 10 year old self?
What advice would you give your 30 year old self?
What do you think are three pop culture things I need to know to at least SOUND hip to a teenager?
Be prepared where you can be (e.g. you may have more information knowledge to share) or and don’t be afraid to acknowledge what you don’t know (as in “I have no idea…that’s why I’m asking you!)
And, please come back and share what works for you I the comments!
This is a very good post, full of good information. Several of mine are teenagers now and I can see some of the questions that I could sure use. Sometimes they just need a little push to get the conversation started.
WE too are experiencing that “love to see nan and popop” moment fade away. Our newly-teened granddaughter, who lives in a city far from us, greets us and then flees to her room. The questions you propose are really helpful–specific is always better than general. They’d be great conversation starters, should we ever be able to lure her out of her room. well, she does get hungry so there’s hope there.
I have always been very close to my granddaughter. Four years ago they moved to another state. It saddens me that now she has become a later year teenager, we don’t have that same bond. It’s difficult for me to know how to get her to open it. She seems very closed off
This webinar also has great information on how to connect with teens–using technology–which helps for those in other cities. Here is the link. We hope you find it helpful! https://www.grandparentsunleashed.com/2020/11/10/lifelines-for-a-lifetime-how-can-technology-help/
p.s. We have a book coming out next June, “Where Two Worlds Meet: A Guide to Connecting with Your Teenage Grandchildren” that will be full of helpful hints. One other tip from Jerry is to maybe start with how you are feeling, and to open up to your grandchild.